He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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