singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
