Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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