You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
