Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
