the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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