Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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