When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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