This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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