it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
