Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
love makes seman taste better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
