she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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