Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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