I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
