It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
