I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
