I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
