Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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