I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
