You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
