i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
