you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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