it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Randomize
