is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize