My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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