im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
