Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Damn victory sex feels great
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
