They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
