Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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