She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
