Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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