i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
