I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
