yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had sex on a roof
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
