so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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