well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
