i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
