Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my phone needs a breathalizer
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
