That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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