Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
