I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
