before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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