Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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