You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
