Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
