In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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