Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
