ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
