I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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