We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
