I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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