Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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