so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
