Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize