i was born a porn star she said
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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