I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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