Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
