is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
