You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
