Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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