i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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