dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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