mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize