T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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