i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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