He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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