I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
