i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
