Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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