so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
