Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
