I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
