like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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