Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
