how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
