you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
