omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You dont lie about slip and slides
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
