This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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