I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
