You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
