If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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