It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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