I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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