i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
