i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
