On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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