They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
whose ass print is on the piano?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
